identity & possessions, balance & the fight between extremes

disclaimer: this is not about you, baby. or rather, maybe about you, but because about me and what I witness (with some logical leaps trying to follow the line of reasoning into things that are not my own, but i can see being mine of that I neared/risked), and so about you if that's part of who you are, but that's up to you. even the part about birds: I have an irrational hatred for small fluttering animals, I now know it's because part of me feels like one of them, but that's all I mean by it.


Identity (fear of loss of identity, embedded certainty of lack of identity)

-material possessions
we give special unconscious value to things in our lives, as the lack of identity makes look at them as what makes us Us. This becomes attachment to material possessions, so while we have the subconscious urge to attach ourselves to some items, we counterbalance that with a propensity to lose, misplace, or treat poorly other items (or, in some cases, the very same);  it  also translates into placing a lot of emphasis on owning, sometime to the point of hoarding, counterbalanced by bursts of "I'll take all this shit and throw it away" and a craving for space - this can also turn into claustrophobia, or its opposite, agoraphobia, if the subconscious urge or its counterbalancing act reach extremes.

-bodily possessions
for the same reasons above, but spoken through the body-bound language of symbols, we transfer the same value to their symbolic correspectives in ourselves, and attach ourselves, quite literally, to our "shit": the result is intestinal stypsis, spastic colon, colitis, gas, and is counterbalanced with meteorism, propensity to food poisoning and diarrhea; the symbolic transfer also applies to other parts of us, such as: holding on to liquids (water retention), causing bloating, kidney stones, propensity to urinary tract infections, counterbalanced by propensity to sweat or transpire, "leak" liquids in various parts of the body (crying, watery eyes, discharges or overly active genital lubrication); also holding on to other parts of the body, like hair(not wanting to cut it significantly) or facial hair (not wanting to be clean shaven), counterbalanced by outbursts of shaving head or trimming significantly, shaving face; also not wanting to process food (so it doesn't reach the intestine and won't leave) which turns into propensity to indigestion, heartburn, even ulcer or anorexia in extremes, and is counterbalanced by great emphasis on food, gluttony, constant hunger, bulimia in the extreme.

-emotional possessions
for the same reasons, there is also an "hoarding" of emotions, relationships, people: emotions will be held on to, not shared, choked and stacked, with the physical symptoms of breathing-related problems and the emotional symptoms of feeling trapped, anxiety, panic attacks, counterbalanced by forceful outbursts in the form of aggression or emotional breakdowns; people are seen as fragments of a sense of self, together they create a mirror and that mirror is the person's identity, so they will be "collected" to enhance a sense of self, counterbalanced by the urge to keep them at a distance to avoid seeing the self (perceived as "lacking", "bad", "not enough"); loss of a person is seen as loss of self, so there is a need to constantly be in a relationship or not being alone, and to not let go of relationships, counterbalanced by a negative attitude toward relationships (as not letting go causes a cycle of drama and suffering that comes to be identified as what a relationship is), disengagement from other people, actively avoiding other people.

-spiritual possession
When identity is attached to the material world and not to our true, alive nature, there is a struggle: the subconscious, in fear, wants to be symbolically earthbound, while our true self counterbalances that with longing for "air", the symbolical spiritual ground.
So there will be an attractions to earthbound animals (symbolically, the snake is the most earthbound, but also the scorpion or other animals that crawl on the earth) and a rejection of flying animals, seeing as fickle, pointless in their continuous upsetting fluttering: it's the earthbound subconscious that tries to undermine or ridicule the spirit's longing for elevation.
At the same time, this is counterbalanced by a strong pull toward being elevated, more and less literally: standing out, being on top, wanting to be taller, to live higher off the ground, maybe becoming a pilot or someone that chooses a profession or a life situation that makes them travel by plane.

-attention
 "the needy child within exhibits a strong and decisive front for the world"
 (taken from a Flowers of Bach - Heather website)
With lack of identity comes a need for attention - the attention that in the early stages wasn't supposed to create identity, but to reassure the child that WHAT WAS THERE WAS ENOUGH, that it already had an identity that was fully loved and worthwhile and meaningful. When that lacks, comes the constant struggle to create an identity, moving from the inner belief that there isn't one, or that what's there is not enough, so it needs to be filled, enlarged, compiled, with the consequent behaviors above, which in turn create the counterbalancing acts.

All the experiences, memories, possessions, relationships, do not form identity. They form experiences, memories, possessions, relationships that can be lived, appreciated, learned from, enjoyed, by the Living Identity that is already and has always been there.

The strong and decisive front showed to counterbalanced the needy, lost little child, is in fact a forced, unhealthy version of the strong, natural state of identity that is already there, but was never properly acknowledged (or was not perceived as acknowledged by the child- who perceives things not in a rational way and does not differentiate it, reflects upon, understands or analyze things), just like the superior, elevated sense of self shown to the world to counterbalanced the fear and inadequacy is an unhealthy version of the self-assured, free already existing real Identity, just like the caring impulse that makes me take over other people problems and feel responsible for them to counterbalance for my self-absorption and thirst for attention and approval, is the unhealthy version of just being, openly, in touch with Myself therefore in touch with everything, therefore connected and empathetic.