tenth post: long-haired Nicholas Cage

Quick Nicholas cage rule.

You go to the movies, you see a trailer. NIcholas Cage is in it. He has short hair. If you have twelve bucks o spare and it looks interesting, go see it. You're safe. You'll be okay. It might not be great, it might actually be quite good. You'll be fine.

But if Nicholas Cage has long hair DO NOT GO. You won't be fine. You'll be sitting in the theatre screaming to yourself. You'll be wondering, while you drive your nails into your skin and the skin of the person next to you, "WHY?! WHY?!? GOD, WHY??!! Why the fuck did I come see this. i used to have a life, I used to be happy. or at least, fuck, not the mass of misery and meaninglessness I am now. I used to have something to look forward to, now I don't. all the beauty in the world couldn't fill the gap opened in me by this wrenching nothingness".
Verbatum.

You'll set yourself on fire with the lighter fluid in your lighter that you carry on you because after the first five minutes of long-haired Nicholas Cage film you picked up smoking, eating garbage and drinking heroin. You'll lose all your hair but start growing stalagmites of mayo. Your hands will become webbed, yet you'll be afraid of any form of liquids, which is why when people will try to save you after you set yourself on fire, you'll lose your mind and stab them in the face with your mayo-spikes, then set yourself on fire again.