Friday, April 27, 2012
post seventeen: happiness
And now I feel better. All those clouds, that had no reason for being there and were just clouds, but felt like rocks, rocks sewn in my skin and forced in my stomach, are gone. They could have taken over. They could have dictate my night, they could have dictated this moment and spread like disease to my spine, they could have spelled who I am with their guttural, half-chewed words. But they are not what I am, they are what I carry, and if I realize that I am carrying them and realize that I don't want to, that they are hurting me and not helping me anymore, I can simply drop them. Now I feel happy, and open, and in touch with what I actually am. above all, I feel grateful. And I can't wait to see you, Carly, not to say anything, but just to see you and read a beautiful syllable of completion for this happiness word that is me right now and that you help me spell. All the rest doesn't matter. You (blank page) and you(carlyface) really helped me see it, thank you, and the rocks don't have to drown me, I can be water.
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