If we could watch twin peaks on the wall, go for doughnut runs but only when it rains (possibly pours, with possible thunderstorms and lightning like veins, cutting up the grey, dark grey and night navy),be cold with wet clothes so we can take them off and find warmth; if we could make love like last night, just make it, 'cause I don't know that either one of us actually believes in it, in doubt we make it so we can have it; if we could have sex and love laughing possibly not at my dick or at what I say and almost immediately regret, even smiling (sometimes) at the reflections in the window, even though it's more than just a little narcissistic; if I could always feel about myself like you make me feel about me when you turn around, half asleep, and see me, and smile - if I could always feel about myself like I do then; if I could always have the awareness and knowledge and peace I had saturday lying on grass that I swear was breathing and feeling I think what a soul is -which to me is petty new, not 'cause I'm broody, just because there's rubble that needs to be removed- and realizing i want to write you, I want to tell you; if all this were true, at most times and mostly outside time, I think I'd be pretty fucking happy. But then again what the fuck am I saying, "if": it is possible and in fact it IS right now so, you know, that's nice.